well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
