Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
