how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
