i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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