When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They have beer where we have blood.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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