i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
