Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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