shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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