holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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