none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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