We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
there is glitter all over my balls
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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