Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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