im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize