i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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