I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
