My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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