i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
