i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
