really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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