I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
