i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize