hotel room ftw
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
