oh god the rape fog is back!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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