fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
