shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
