okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
