My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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