I don't usually arrange sex via text message
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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