I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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