I swear she didn't look like that last week.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
did i walk over a car last night?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
