he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
