dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
