All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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