just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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