i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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