He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
