he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
