i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
