Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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