Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
