We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
