You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
