i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
