Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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