I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
