I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and she was petting her beer can
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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