i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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