At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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