for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize