I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize