You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
