When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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