It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
