her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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