are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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