We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
