The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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