i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
