i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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