I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hippo gnu deer
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
