eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
