so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
