So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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