You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
