thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
