I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
