I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
