how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
