I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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