I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
