when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
