u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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